


Red and Gold

by No2



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-04 23:23:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12781887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No2/pseuds/No2
Summary: Sendak wasn’t one to fall under the grip of emotions. When he took the unresponsive Shiro from the deep under halls of the ship he felt the sick inkling of repressed emotions creep up from the back of his mind. It spread unwillingly into his body sinking heavily within his stomach.Sendak saves Shiro.Shiro fights to get back home.





	Red and Gold

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this for weeks. I have never been a writer and i am so proud of this. please enjoy it. (and forgive my mistakes!)

Blood. Unsettling warmth across his skin. Stench. Slowly rotting flesh being held gently in his hands.

Death. A life that was once breathing clearly and smoothly, now breath taken away by his own hands.

 

He couldn't see. Unless the only thing to see was red. Where was he? What was he? He focused on the heavy weight pulling him to the ground. Right, gravity he remembered. The earth he was on shook. No. It wasn't earth it was alien. Why was it shaking? Think think. No it's not shaking. He shook. He felt his hands shaking the hardest then deep tremors across his body. His heart made the next presence. Shit it hurt, hurt so bad. It thumped deep within his ribcage as if trying to escape its own life. He felt it everywhere, his chest, his head his arms even his blood. It was too much, overwhelming.

 

My body... am I all here? He still couldn't see anything but red and strange flashes. He felt his legs under his weight, then felt both hands. But one felt different, it was there. It moved slightly when he wanted it to but he couldn't feel it. I need to see he thought. I need to calm down. He started to bring his hands up to his face but just as everything else they felt heavy. Was he holding something? His fingers twitched. Yes he was. Something warm and uncomfortably slimy. It oozed between his fingers and fell onto whatever was producing gravity. He felt disgust in his stomach and dropped whatever it was he held within his hands. He heard it splat to the ground. Right I can hear. And smell? He took a deep painful breath. Oh god... it smelled terrible. What was this smell? I recognize it, it's familiar... he couldn't remember. He raked his brain hard what was it, what was it, I know this...

It clicked.

Death.

 

It smells like death. Panic rained over him his breaths came in short he jerked his head up covering his face with his disgusting hands. He wiped and scratched at his face his brain putting the fleeting images in his vision together until finally he could see. His relief in his re-found vision was short lived. The sight he saw was worse than a nightmare.

 

Blood so much blood. Slimy things like intestines and organs littered the floor. White bones poked out within the sea of blood like driftwood. He gasped and closed his eyes. No _no_ this is just a dream it's a dream. 

He lied to himself. This was not a dream.

He looked at his trembling hands and could not recognize them at first. They were red with blood and pieces of alien guts stuck to them and under his nails.

 

He does not remember breathing after that. He didn't pass out but he could no longer feel his breath.

 

His brain put the ripped up figures together. Some kind of alien. Why was this happening? Wait it was two, no three aliens. One was on his knees and the ground. Broken in bloody pieces. Guts splayed out around and on him. His fingers were close to what must have been the aliens skull. It was small, could fit in the palm of his hands. It was significantly smaller than the other two... it was a child? Thunder struck through his heart.

A child. 

 

He heard nothing but knew he was screaming. He clutched the child and howled into the air. His sanity was slipping, darkness crept over him. He didn't feel the heavy gravity anymore; he felt so much of everything else until he felt nothing at all. He fell. Fell deep into the darkness and welcomed it. Never wanting to return. He lost himself.

He broke.

 

 

-

 

 

"Commander." Kalkin had requested his presence a few hours after the gladiator match on deck 46C. He had personally missed this particular battle, busy with a strategy meeting with commander Throk. What he heard around the ship was that it had been a rather good match. Apparently the champion played in it. It was too bad he missed it; he enjoyed watching the lean champion fight.

 

"Why am I here Kalkin." He threatened. Sendak had never been to the prisoner’s cells even on his own ship. It was beneath him and Kalkin was in charge in this sector.

 

Kalkins ears dropped slightly in submission.

"It's about one of the prisoners commander. He's not... behaving right."

 

Sendak growled and within a split second had Kalkin pinned brutally hard against the cold steel wall. Kalkin yelped embarrassingly loud in shock, ears pressing flat against his head. He choked and sputtered at Sendaks real hand wrapped dangerously hard against his neck. Sendaks tech arm held his body in place.

 

"Not behaving right?" He roared into Kalkins flattened ears. "Not fucking behaving right? Did I hear _you_ _right_?"

 

"Commander..." Kalkin squeaked at him words coming strained through his compressed throat. One of his hands gripped the one Sendak had pressed against his throat, claw digging into his windpipe.

 

"What is your job Kalkin?" He yelled through gritted teeth, voice echoing loudly within the ship. If anyone were nearby they would have fled at the sound of their angry commander roaring. His eyes narrowed into thin slits at the pitiful Galra gasping for breath between him and the steel wall. 

 

Kalkin didn't respond, a little bit of drool fell from his lips from being chocked. Sendak squeezed harder.

 

"Your job Kalkin." 

 

"Sector leader 2C of prisoner transport ship 79C." He breathed out ragged. 

 

Sendak lightened his grip. 

"Do you know what sector leader means Kalkin?" 

 

"Yes." He breathed.

 

"Enlighten me Kalkin." He hissed through his teeth at him lowly. He pressed his claws against the withering Galras throat and his eyes widened in fear.

 

"It means I'm in charge of this section for you commander." He whispered this time close to passing out.

 

"Good." He scraped the Galras throat lightly with his nails. Kalkins breaths came out uneven, this time not from suffocation.

 

"So again, why am I down here wasting my time?"

 

"It's prisoner 117-9875" he gasped out.

 

Sendak loosened his grip from his throat immediately and Kalkin fell to floor on his knees with a hard thud clutching at his abused throat. Rubbing the sensitive skin gently. 

 

Sendak puffed up instantly. He peered down at the Galra on the floor, his anger now directed towards something else entirely. Suddenly he remembered the soldiers’ earlier comments about the match he had missed. He felt dread fill him. It sat uncomfortably in his stomach like a bad ache. Did something happen to the champion at the match? How bad could it be?

 

“What happened at that match.” He growled out in a threat.

 

-

 

 

Two sentries surrounded the champion behind the cell. They blocked his view and he couldn't see behind the hunks of metal. It only added to his rapidly growing irritation.

 

"-ot responding to anything." He heard Kalkin continue behind him. He focused again on his words instead of the bloody human hidden behind the two damn sentries.

 

"His eyes won't respond either. We have thoroughly checked and found no life threatening wounds on him for him to be acting this way. In fact he only has one gash to his skin. That's it, nothing else." 

 

The sentries moved to the side and he could finally view the champion. But this wasn't the champion he knew. Sendak loved watching his matches. The human had such strong will and desire to survive bright within his eyes in every match. He thought long and hard about how such a desolate species could possibly be so strong.

 

But something was different. His eyes didn't glean hatred. They didn't even look at Sendak or any of the sentries around him, which he normally would tear apart with his bare hands if they got this close to him. This time his eyes were dull. Void of light and strength. It was if he was dead.

 

But he lived. Sendak could see to the screen on the right if him that his heartbeat was a steady beat.

 

"Nudge him." 

 

The sentry did not look back and did as it was told. It's hand roughly touched at the champions shoulder. Normally this kind of interaction would have the particular sentry thrown across the room shattered in pieces.

 

Nothing.

 

Something was wrong. And he did not like it. He could not pinpoint why he didn't like it but he felt something within his gut twitch uncomfortably.

 

"Bring him with me."

 

 

-

 

 

Sendak abandoned the useless sentry not even halfway through the trip to his cambers. Obviously helping a struggling Terran to walk was not programmed within its system, as Shiro fell for the second time with a loud smack to the floor face first. He dismissed the sentry angrily and watched the human right himself, sitting on the floor staring blankly at it. He didn't clutch his face which be knew must hurt somewhat from falling on, didn't cry in pain, didn't flinch. 

 

Sendak frowned deeper if that was possible at all. Something was definitely wrong with the human. He didn't move from the spot he fell on. Sendak walked over, his boots clicking on the floor. He grasped Shiro by his arm and hoisted him up easily. He held all of Shiros weight but made the human move his own feet in a walking movement along the floor. Shiro could properly hold his weight and stand, and even move his feet correctly. Just not at the same time. Each time he did he fell sloppily to the floor and Sendak would watch him try to hoist himself back up. 

 

It took a while but Sendak got Shiro to his private quarters. Blood dripped from the humans’ hair and fell to the floor. Sendak grimaced. He was around blood often in his line of work and it never bothered him. But he did not enjoy blood in his own quarters. It was messy and it stained. The human needed to be cleaned. He was covered head to toe in alien blood and guts, his skin stained red and blue.

 

Shiro stood at the foot of his large bed. Sendaks bed was large enough to hold two Galra his own size so Shiro appeared a little small in front of it. Still Shiro did not move. His gaze fixed on the cold floor. He would wobble occasionally trying to stay on his feet but he never fell. Sendak sighed and sat on his large chair watching the human. Shiros clothes didn't cover much anymore; it was torn in many places, and the arms missing completely that meant more of his body was covered in filth. They needed to be thrown away.

 

"Strip." 

 

Shiro didn't move. Didn't even act like he heard Sendak at all. He felt his lips part, exposing his top canines in a threat.

 

"Strip." He demanded this time loud and clear.

 

Nothing. Again. He stood angrily in frustration and marched his way in front of the human. 

 

"Take. Off. Your. Clothes." Words came out between his clenched teeth in a bated breath. He watched Shiro intently, he was truly not responding. He looked up to his eyes. His pupils were looking straight at Sendak but he was no fool. Those eyes looked straight through him. Shiro wasn't here. And he did not like that. He felt the strange urge in his stomach once again. It felt awfully like instincts to protect. His anger at the human for not responding to him disappeared completely. Now he was angry at whatever the hell caused the strong Shiro to break like this.

 

Fuck 

 

 _I'll get him back. He will come back to me._ He growled deeply.

 

He gripped Shiros prisoner uniform and ripped it off his chest in one fluid motion. Old and new scars littered his strong chest. Sendak got on his knees and pulled the rest of the uniform off him. The fabric slid down his hips and Sendak paused when he saw what lay underneath.

 

External testicles? The whole thing was right there in his face, out in the open. Sendak didn't no why but he had just assumed the humans anatomy would be like his own based on the humans body structure being so similar to Galra. While he knew this was an obvious weak spot and felt bad for the human for having his junk always out in the open, it did not bother him. He actually had to take his eyes off it.

 

He pulled the rest of his clothes off his legs and threw the now useless uniform into the trash. Shiro was now naked, fully exposed but he still didn't move. His mind was still gone and his eyes never left staring at the floor. Even though he was naked, you couldn't see much of his milky smooth skin. His arms, most of his torso and a few strips of his legs were splattered and stained red. Parts had dried on his skin making it crusty and dark.

 

His hair was a similar sight, red over black, blending into the red that bled on his skin. Some was crusting his hair together in a big bloody knot while some still threatened to drip onto the floor. Sendak wondered about the white tuff now not visible under all the red. Would the red come out of it? Or would it be stained forever, the blood of his opponents. 

 

He left the human to his cleaning room, the entrance to his shower separate from the bathroom. His shower had many settings; it could be set to a dust fall, water or even suction to suck out the dirt within his fur. Setting it on water he started it from the control panel outside. It was hot instantly. He paused for a second. What temperature was normal for a human? He knew their skin was relatively weak and thin compared to a Galras. But cold water would make him sick. He set it to mild warmth afraid he might burn or freeze the man. 

 

Sendak pushed his hand along Shiros back, slowly walking them to the shower. Shiro didn't lift his head. Just focused on his feet and lift them one by one lead by Sendak. His feet stopped at the edge of the shower and Sendak finally saw Shiro react somewhat. The sound of the water had him lifting his head. He looked over with dull eyes to the shower and watched. Finally Sendak breathed. He had gotten Shiro to react to something. He nudged at his back pushing him into the shower room. Shiros feet slapped on the tile, water poured lazily across them. It seemed the temperature did not bother the human in any way. Surprisingly Shiro walked straight into the path of the water without his help. Looking straight at the spout he was right below it. Blood washed off him slowly and the drain became red. It was not the first time it's seen red blood and definitely not the last time.

 

Sendak watched him quietly waiting and wondering. Finally Shiros eyes slid shut under the flow of water and he heard the slightest huff. Stretching his bones Sendak lowered to the chair within view of the washing room. He would let the human have his space but be close enough to be there if something happened.

 

Sendak allowed himself to sigh deeply, frustrations of the day breathing out. He listened to the water run for a while finding it comforting to hear. His armor rattled with the deep breath and he shifted himself to begin removing the heavy armor. He wore it so often it felt natural to carry that much weight. Clicks and snap noises filled the room with the occasional loud think of heavy armor falling to the floor. With each piece shredded off he felt lighter, weightless almost. 

 

Tomorrow he thought. I'll find out what happened at the champions fight. His teeth gritted in anger. _I'll crush them_ he thought roughly. Whoever did this won't get off easy. I could rip their arm off. Make them suffer like Shiro was forced too. No both arms. His fur began to stand on edge. Anger filled his core. He growled out loud to no one. This time he ignored the fact that he felt protective over the human, how all his thoughts and his very being shook at his own instinct to keep him safe. 

 

_Mine_

 

 _He's fucking mine_ he spat.

 

He didn't want to think deeply about why he felt this way. It didn't matter anymore. He would protect what's his and destroy anything that sought to hurt it. He picked up his armor and went to his large closet and placed it in its stand. Walking back to the shower he listened to the water flow. 

 

But only that's all he heard. No movement, no splashes of someone moving around. His gut clenched and he picked up his pace. Turning the corner relief washed through him as he saw the human still standing under the water. But he hadn’t moved. He stood there in the same place he left him. All the dried blood still stuck to him, only a little of it washed away. Shiro had his eyes closed head directly under the water. Unmoving.

 

"Shiro." It was the first time Sendak called him by his real name. Still he didn't move. He stood at the door of the shower room. He could feel the steam and mist.

 

"Clean." 

 

He didn't expect a response but he tried anyway. Shiro didn't move. The slight response he had seen earlier had given him some hope but now it washed away with the stream of water.

 

He started to take off the remainder clothes. Fuck it he thought. He couldn't hope to make Shiro better if he couldn't even bath him properly. His clothes fell to the floor quickly and he didn't hesitate to walk into the shower with Shiro. His naked body felt the warmth of the water spraying hard onto him.

 

Shiro didn't respond to Sendaks presence adding more concern to Sendaks anxious thoughts. Pushing the discomforting thoughts away he turned to the wall panel within the shower. After a click of a button liquid soap expensed itself. He gathered a large amount in his hands and without hesitation, ruffled it through Shiros dirty hair. Shiro rocked slightly with the strong movement of Sendaks hands running through his hair relatively roughly.

 

Sendak focused on the human. Starting with his head he ran his fingers through the tufted up hair pulling strands away from clotted blood chunks until the spot would run clean and silky again. He did this to every part of his hair, going over a few spots that needed extra attention and watching the black shine once more. He paid the most attention to the white tuff that started to revel itself beneath the red that threatened to stain it. Shiro remained motionless except for rocking on his feet to stay balanced with Sendaks touches. When he moved to work on cleaning around his ears he felt a slight pressure press into his hand. He could have imagined the way it felt as if Shiro was leaning into his hand but at this point he felt that his mind was turning every movement Shiro made into fully conscious normal behavior.

 

The soap quickly turned into thick foam around Shiros body sticking to his skin and hair then washing down the drain with the rest of the dirt and blood coming off him.

 

Sendak wasn’t one to fall under the grip of emotions. There was only one that he was allowed to feel, he was taught that all his life. When he took the unresponsive Shiro from the deep under halls of the ship he felt the sick inkling of repressed emotions creep up from the back of his mind. It spread unwillingly into his body sinking heavily within his stomach. He felt it lurching every time he looked at the human. Emotions he has not felt in years taking over his mind all because of this damn Terran who he has never even had a proper greeting with. Just watching his skills and movements within the gladiator ring. …That wasn't much of an knowing. He felt weak now. This Shiro was opening up things within him he thought he had destroyed forever. Even with the new emotions, anger still filled him. He felt rage that this was happening to him from such a simple being. He felt wrath at himself for losing his control over himself so easily. He knew that the news of him taking the prisoner to his own chambers would spread around the ship. Of course it was his own damn ship and he could do whatever he wanted.

 

Looking down at Shiro he felt the emotions roll again within his stomach. The sight of soap and foam washing off his body to reveal slick clean skin felt oddly…

He wouldn't think it. Would not let himself fall that deep.

 

Sendak continued to scrub at the humans dirty body. At first he washed him rigorously, scrubbing hard at his shoulders and arms watching the skin turn into an irritated pink. He wanted to laugh at the fragile skin. Though he found himself slowing down and being gentler with his cleaning. Still the skin became pink under the attention and warm water. He moved from his now clean arms to his chest. He marveled at Shiros strength, his muscles were quickly becoming toned from the constant fighting he was forced into. His body adapted well. It impressed him. Shiro had a slight cut on his chest, not deep enough to be an issue but Sendak paid it great attention in making sure it would heal right without any issue. It was practically a scratch but still he cleaned every inch of it. The wound was over Shiros left breast he palmed his chest for a strong grip to finish cleaning, when he felt it.

 

A deep thundering pound under his skin and bones. It pounded hard and slow to a rhythmic beat. Sendak paused his hand still gripping Shiros chest. He felt it against his hands and heard it within his ears. It was a foreign beat, thumping in twos unlike Sendaks own, which pumped in threes. To him at that moment it felt as if their hearts were beating in sync. He quickly removed his hand from Shiros chest glancing quickly to the humans face. Shiros eyes were closed. An almost peaceful look was etched on his skin. Sendak wondered slightly if the human could hear his own deeper Galra heartbeat. Glancing down at his ears he doubted he could. He almost began to feel disappointed at the thought but quickly dismissed it.

 

 _Do not fall deeper into this hole than you already have_ he thought.

 

He moved onto the rest of the human’s body. He slid his hands down his chest, scrubbing a little hard again along his abdomen. Sendak appreciated his tight muscles. He worked all the way down and paused at the hair trailing above his crotch. He would get back to that part later. Sendak gripped Shiros hips and turned him around so he was facing his back. He did the same thing here, washing and scrubbing along the muscle and skin. Shiros back was rather clean compared to the rest of him. No blood stained his skin.

 

Sendak had noticed the odd mark on Shiros back earlier. But now he was up-close to it and could fully see it. It looked as if a piece of art was stained onto his back. It must have been put there on purpose. Long black ink marks came together into something resembling an earth creature. The creature had long fangs and claws not unlike his own. The face of the creature was ferocious and snarling. Long stripes covered the entire creature from head to the end of its long tail. Something that looked like words foreign to him was by the creatures face. They flowed beautifully in strokes like what the creature had along its body. He could not read the mysterious and complicated marks and felt deep curiosity at wanting to understand what the words spoke. It seemed personal almost, as if this mark meant something very deeply to the human for him to have it permanently across his back. It was breathtaking against the humans skin. The black lines felt so strong to him, like a statement.

 

He admired the mark for a long while. Tracing his clawed finger along each line that lay on his skin. He felt the water pour against his head spraying harshly despite what he didn't want to admit was a slightly peaceful moment. He stared at Shiros back. After tracing each line with his fingers he did the same with his eyes. He placed both his hands against Shiros back and rubbed over the mark. It truly was permanent. He felt Shiro twitch under both his hands. His ears perked up and he quickly turned to face Shiro. His face remained the same as before but he heard his heartbeat pick up for a moment and then fall back to normal after Sendak had taken his hands off him. He tried again not to think about it.

 

Soap ran down Shiros hips and Sendak went back to scrubbing him. He scrubbed at his rear, cupping it momentarily and humming before moving along. He didn't have to clean much anymore, most of Shiros lower area was covered by his clothes. Still he thoroughly washed his legs and crotch. Shiros heartbeat again rose when he washed his manhood, it thundered anxiously in his ears.

 

Moving aside from the steam of water he let the water wash over Shiro getting off all the excess soap. Shiro had started to sway in the shower and Sendak noticed how red his face was. Maybe he was overheated? Before he turned off the water he scrubbed at Shiros fingernails. They where short, weak and blunt compared to his and dried blood got underneath part of them. He worked intently, holding his hand to clean out each nail on each finger. It took a while but he managed. Luckily his toes were clean.

 

Shiro swayed again and Sendak moved him gently out of the shower room. After turning off the water Sendak got a large towel and dried him down. Shiros hair puffed up and skin was still red. He wrapped Shiro into the towel and walked him over to his bed.

 

Shiro sat holding the towel with his hands watching the floor again silently. He watched left over water drip from Shiros hair onto his nose. He didn't flinch. After dressing Shiro he attempted to make him drink water. After failing his attempts Sendak had to open Shiros mouth, hold his neck and pour the water into his mouth. Shiro choked the first time but got use to it after. Once Shiro drank the water he pushed him roughly onto his back against his own bed. Sendak threw the blanket over him.

 

“Sleep.” He demanded.

 

Shiro still did not seem to understand him but still curled under the blankets. His face finally changed once again and showed some type of recognition. He heard Shiro sigh and watched his eyes fall closed. His breathe and heart beat both evened out and fell asleep.

 

Sendak sat on his large chair, fully dried and dressed after the shower and watched Shiro sleep. After an hour the human didn't stir and Sendak felt himself sinking deeper into his chair in exhaustion. He didn't mean to fall asleep when he did, he wanted to work on reports. But watching Shiros exhaustion filled him with it as well and he quickly passed out sitting up on his chair facing his large bed that Shiro occupied. The reports could wait. His unnerving feelings could wait.

 

 

-

 

 

In the depths of the deep darkness he heard a roar. It echoed around him, reverberating in his soul. The roar thundered in his heart. He felt the deep noise pound to the beat of his heart, together.

They roared.

 

Warmth. His skin danced with the warmth wrapped all around him. It felt comfortable around his entire being. He found his body easily this time. Each limb ached with comfort even the tip of his toes wiggled into the strange warmth.

Soft. He remembered this feeling. He had not felt it in so long he almost didn't recognize it. It was smooth and silky, fluffy and warm. He remembered cats, the way their fur felt under the skin of his palm. He clung to the memory, the feeling. He felt it all over everything was soft.

Comfort. This was comfort. He remembers. He use to feel it every day. The warmth of the sun he could barley remember. The softness of his cats and blankets. The comfort of his bed, his friends hugs…

His friends…

 

His eyes snapped open. He couldn’t see at first but could feel. He did feel comfortable… he was in a bed? How long as it been since he was in a bed? The warmth and comfort of the bed was so overpowering to him. All he’s slept on the past months (years?) was a hard cold floor. Not even a blanket to cover himself with. The comfort he had not felt in so long was overwhelming. Tears began to prick at his eyes unwillingly. He gasped loudly. He felt so sensitive; every limb of his body was warm, covered in a soft blanket. They ached comfortably with it, missing the feeling of such comfort. The bed he was on wasn’t even as comfortable as the ones on earth. But after a year of literally nothing but his own skin and a floor it felt amazing.

 

His eyes focused to his surroundings. Dread filled him when he saw the Galra empires sigil hanging from the walls. Anxiety slowly rose within him. He was in a bed, a huge one meant for Galra. The bed wasn’t as thick as earth ones and didn't seem to be made the same way. The blanket was incredibly soft and he half wondered if it was made out of the fur of some creature. The rest of the room was majestic, high ceilings, red walls and a giant window that had a view of the deep depths of space. He saw a few doors, another window this time on the ceiling like a sky light, a large couch, a table, control panel, just everything for someone of high command. His anxiety started to peak. Where was he? Who brought him here? What had happened to him?

 

He threw the comfortable blanket off him and landed his feet on the floor in panic. He fell instantly. Despite his comfort his legs were incredibly sore. He thoroughly checked them over and saw they where all right. He sat on the floor catching his breath when he heard the slide of a door. He peered up over the bed to see who or what it was. The clack of boots filled the room. They walked up to the bed and landed near him. It was a Galra. And a commander at that based off the uniform he wore. He had purple fur that looked somewhat blue in some light, huge fluffy ears that only looked intimidating rather than cute. He was huge. One of the bigger Galras he has seen. He was missing an arm as well; it was replaced with a Galra Tech arm like his own. Shiro felt a deep chill when making eye contact with the Galra. His two yellow eyes looked incredibly more terrifying than any of the other Galras he had met. He recognized this Galra. He was the commander of the current ship Shiro was on. He had seen him at some of his forced fights watching from the crowd. He always saw him, the way he looked at him always sent shivers down his spine as they did now. He scared him but was drawn to him. Every match without fail he would always find this Galras gaze. At the beginning and end of every match they would lock eyes for a short moment. He watched him with… something else than everyone else. He could never figure it out, but he knew him.

 

“Sendak?” he heard himself speak.

 

Sendak straightened up and loomed over him. So he did know his name.

Sendak stepped over to him. His heavy boot fell between his legs with a clank. His Tech arm reached to him and Shiro panicked. He swatted it away quickly and backed up.

 

“Stay away from me.” Shiro hissed. He couldn’t remember why he was here and that scared him more than Sendak. He could only imagine the terrible reasons why he was in the Commanders room. He was surprised when the Tech arm flinched back for a moment. He didn't get to see his face before the arm snatched his own and yanked him up from the hard floor. He tried to get his arm back from the Galra; he pulled and scratched the Tech arm forgetting it was fake within his panic. Before he had the chance to fully attack Sendak he had let go of his arm, now standing before him.

 

“What-” he was cut off when Sendaks real clawed hand cupped his face (and head from the size of it) Sendaks golden eyes stared at him, inspecting. His claws ran through his hair pulling his head side to side. Shiro tried to get out of his unrelenting grip but currently felt to weak. He made to punch at Sendaks face, Sendak pulled back just barely missing Shiros hand. That pissed him off. Sendak hissed and shoved Shiro against the wall, teeth bared and face right against his own. He felt terrified; he’s never been this up close to a Galra before. He felt Sendaks breath against his face; his skin broke into goose bumps. He looked up in fear into Sendaks eyes. He stopped fighting imminently. Sendak was looking right at him his pupil-less eyes locking with his own. Shiro felt frozen against the wall and Sendaks watch. He felt his breath coming in hitched.

 

“Don't touch me.”

 

Sendak looked once more within his eyes, and then let him go stepping back. Shiro fell to the floor on his knees. His legs felt weak and still sore. He watched as Sendak moved to sit casually on the large chair. Despite his size the chair didn't sink when he sat down on it. He watched Sendak like a wild animal trapped in a corner, because at this moment that's exactly what it felt like.

 

“How do you feel?”

Sendaks expression remained unchanged. The question was the last thing Shiro was expecting to hear out his mouth. _How do I feel?_ What does he mean by that? He stayed on the floor by the corner of the bed glaring up to him.

 

“What do you mean?” he responded in confusion. Surely that's not what Sendak meant? Sendak gruffed resting his chin on his hand as if bored.

 

“I mean what I said.”

 

Oh.. was this a trap? His mind was furiously searching his memories for what lead him to this moment to be on the floor by the bed of the commander and for him to be asking him _how he felt?_

But he couldn’t for the life of him remember how he got here. Not even the last few days. It was all blurred information stuck together. He didn't know how to respond. Sendak got impatient and tried again.

 

“How is your mind?”

The new question had that same familiar panic wash through him.

 

“My mind? Why would you ask that?” he stuttered out in panic. His hand subconsciously ran through his hair feeling his head. Did he hit it? Just as Sendaks question confused him, Shiros question confused Sendak. He furrowed his eyebrows watching Shiro.

 

“Do you not remember?” he asked quietly.

 

“No… no I cant remember, why am I here? What did you do to me?

 

“ _I_ did nothing.” He spat angrily but he could tell it wasn’t directed towards him.

 

Shiro didn't get it. What was going on? He didn't understand anything that was happening to him. He felt cold and anxious again. The comfort he felt just moments ago covered under his anxiety.

 

“I.., I don't understand.” He whispered out. Sendak had looked angry before but now he looked over at Shiro at what seemed to be concern. He huffed out another large breath shifting on his chair. Eventually he stood back on his feet.

 

“You will stay here from now on.”

 

“What?” the jump from conversation shocked him and the statement Sendak said frightened him. Sendak continued talking not caring about his reaction to the news whatsoever.

 

“You wont leave the room without me, you will stay by my side outside these doors and will not speak to anyone within the ship.” Sendak continued rambling rules that sounded like he spent quite some time thinking about. Shiro tried to grasp his head around this whole thing.

 

“No, _No_.” he dared to speak. “I wont be your play thing.” He yelled. His hands fell from his head to his sides in frustration. He was on his legs now weakly gripping the side of the bed for balance. He glared at Sendak. He felt furious. What the fuck happened.

 

“This isn’t up for discussion.” Sendak bit back angrily turning his large body back to face him.

“You will stay here.” He stepped closer.

“You will obey me.” He stepped right in front of him.

“You will stay safe by my side.” He loomed over him now. Unimpressed by Shiros words.

Shiro fell back onto the bed. He felt exhausted all over again.

 

“I won’t stay.” He tried one more time without much threat behind his words.

 

“You will.” Sendak said without question in his voice.

 

“Unless you wish to return to the prisoners cells and fighting ring.” He threatened glancing back to Shiro as he walked away.

 

“I will get back home…”Shiro whispered. Sendak eyed him from the corner of his vision. He watched the fallen warrior curl onto his bed defeated. He watched his eyes catching a glimmer of the fight Shiro had before.

Shiro meant what he said.

 

Sendak looked away and walked out of the room locking it shut.

_I will get back home._

 

 

-

 

 

Shiro had to admit this was not what he was expecting. He really did think he was going to become Sendaks play thing. Why else would a Galra Commander keep someone like him around. But Sendak left him alone. Didn't take advantage of him, didn't hurt him, didn't even bother him much. He gave Shiro whatever possession he wanted, fed him, even took him outside the room to tour the ship once. Mostly he stayed in Sendaks room. He spent hours looking into the empty space. Whenever they neared a planet or star, Shiro would drop whatever he was doing (which wasn’t much) and drew the sight. He had a large sketchbook of things he saw outside the large windows. He felt his love for space return from that window. It was truly beautiful and helped him through each day.

 

Sendak did not need as much sleep as a human. Not nearly as much Shiro corrected himself one day. The first few days of his confinement within Sendaks room he did not see much of said Galra at all. He would wake to Sendak either gone or asleep on his chair. It was strange to see him asleep but he always stared and his gaze would wake him up. One particular night they got into a fight.

 

It was the third day in his room in the middle of the night when Shiro felt him crawl into bed next to him. Shiro panicked and attacked Sendak, they wrestled for long minutes until Sendak convinced him he wasn’t going to take advantage of him, that he just wanted to sleep on his own bed for once instead of the chair. Shiro had lost the wrestle and was pinned under his heavy weight. Sendak straddled him painfully keeping him pinned so he wouldn’t attack him anymore. It had pissed an already tired and irritated Sendak off. When Shiro wiggled away out from under him to the chair Sendak yelled at him saying he also couldn’t sleep on the chair. They fought until Shiro gave in. He stayed awake the whole night with the Galra sleeping next to him. He had every reason to be nervous. Sendak stayed true to his word and didn't bother Shiro who lay next to him.

 

After that he would often wake up with Sendak either crawling into bed with him or waking up to him next to him. The warmth Sendak gave confused him. He hadn’t felt anyone’s embrace in so long. He longed for the warmth he had but didn't allow himself to seek it out from him. Still one morning he awoke within his embrace. Sendak had wrapped his arm around him pressing him into his naked chest. He was warm and comfortable. He felt the happiness of his friends’ presence, the comfort of his friends hugs that morning. He will never tell anyone, but that morning he stayed in Sendaks arms. Stayed pressed against the Galra. He couldn’t forget the feel of his warm body against his, the way their feet tangled together in their sleep. The way for the first time since he was captured, he woke up comfortable and content without fear. Occasionally their bodies would seek each other’s out within the night and Shiro was thankful that neither of them said a thing about it. It stayed unspoken for a long time and neither tried to stop it.

 

But Shiro was a fighter. He meant what he said about going home. Everyday he thought of ways to escape, ways to use Sendak into getting him home. Every morning after he left he would try to break the password for the main door. He would watch over his shoulders as Sendak locked it. Eventually after a month or two he figured it out.

 

He waited one day for him to return. He watched Sendak strip and enter the bathing room, huffing angrily from a stressful day. Once the sound of water downed out all other noises Shiro went to the control pad anxiety slowly creeping up along his spine. He typed in the password. It worked. The door slid open to the side hissing quietly as it went. He was filled with nerves looking out into the empty hall. Grabbing his pre-packed bag he walked out into the empty hall glancing back to see Sendak showering still. He had timed his showers; he usually spent 20 minutes showering. If he ran he might have enough time to make it to the escape pods before Sendak could lock down the ship. And of course he had to stay hidden from the guards and soldiers.

 

He looked one last time over to Sendak, and then sprinted down the hall. He ran away from that damn room. Frustrations disappearing at every long step he took. It felt great to run, to sprint away. If he weren’t so anxious about escaping he would have laughed into the air. The first five minutes was uneventful, he ran through the hallways hoping he was on the right path. Eventually he ran into two sentries, he destroyed them both with his Galra arm before they could even shoot at him. Five minutes later he was hiding between two doors as some Galra soldiers walked past. It was hard to stay quiet. He was out of breath from sprinting. He eyed them from his hiding spot, hand over his mouth as one paused. He felt like he was incredibly loud but the soldiers kept walking away. Letting out a long breath he continued.

 

He was almost there, a few more long hallways away from his destination. His heart beat quickly in his chest. Like drums pounding each pump of blood to his heart. For a second he let himself think he would really make it out of here and get home. See Earths blue Ocean and white clouds. The green grass…

 

Then he heard it. Alarms blaring above him he started running faster.

Fuck. He was so close. He turned a corner and saw three guards within the hallway.

 

_Fuck_

 

They spotted him before he could turn away. They started yelling and chasing after him. His heart began to pound out of his chest. Their footsteps echoed in the long halls. He was so close, so close! _Maybe I can still make it_ he thought. Threaten one of them to override the lock down. On a desperate whim he turned around to face them. Prepared to fight each one. All three had stopped dead in their tracks. Their masked gaze over Shiros head to what was behind him.

 

Behind him…

 

Dread filled his mind he turned as quickly as possible and saw Sendak, Half naked and drenched with water pounding down the hallway, seething in anger. His heart could not handle it. It pounded loudly in fear. It caused him to hesitate to long. He tried to move away but it was too late.

 

Sendak tackled him with all his force into the ground. Shiro was slammed hard against the floor knocking his head uncomfortably. He grunted at the fall. Sendak quickly had his head pressed against the floor with one hand; his other held both his wrists together behind his back. He struggled against him until he heard Sendak roar. He froze in fear feeling sweat drip down his face. The sound was impossibly loud; similar to a tigers in strength and trepidation. Sendaks fangs were bared right against his face dangerously close. He was snarling at him, speaking so fast in Galra Shiro couldn't understand a word he said. He went limp under Sendak. The roar shocked him deeply. He still heard it within his skull. His heart pounded anxiously, he glanced one last time to the end of the hall before giving up.

 

Sendak was not kind. He hauled Shiro up off the floor brutally. His claws dug into his arm, cutting into the skin causing it to bleed. The guards stared in fear. Shocked at the commander’s presence. He was shirtless, water soaked him and pooled under his feet obviously interrupted from a shower. They didn't say a word standing as quietly as they could watching the scene. Sendak threw Shiro over his shoulders and stormed back into his room.

 

He heard the door slide shut and the water still flowing in the bathing room. As soon as Sendak lowered Shiro to the floor he was slapped in the face impossibly hard. The sound echoed in the room, tears stung at his eyes and his skin burned. Blinking to keep the tears out of his eyes, he looked up to Sendak who looked like the definition of wrath. Sendak breathed heavily, his chest heaving up in down in exertion and anger. His toned naked body became intimidating before him.

 

“What did I say?” he yelled at him, fangs poking through at each syllable. Shiro shook under his gaze.

 

“ _What did I say?_ ” he yelled again.

 

His breath hitched when he tried to speak, words came flat on his tongue. He watched the anger pool off of Sendak. He had never seen him this mad it was terrifying. His body was telling him to flee, to escape and hide as if he was some kind of wild animal out to eat him. Sendak breathed deeply before yelling at him once again.

 

“You are to stay here. Obey me. Stay _safe_ next to me.” He roared the sentence out, the strength of his voice echoed inside him.

 

Shiros instincts won. He fell to the floor and began to cry quietly. He was so mad, so angry but all he could do was cry uselessly on the floor in fear and anger. Sendak spoke more but he didn't hear it. The sound was drowned out. Tears dripped onto the floor. He felt the same rough hand take his arm and pull him up off the floor. It sat him on the bed. Tears still flowed. Months of stress and aggravation flowed out of him like rain.

 

He felt Sendaks hand against his cheek wiping the tears away quietly. That did not stop them. He sobbed against Sendaks hand, pushing his face into it. It felt like minutes went by. He felt his other hand running through his hair. It made his breath hitch in his throat when he felt Sendaks lips press against his wet skin between his cheek and nose. It kissed under his eye where tears bled out of him still. Sendak continued to hold his head and kiss at his face, licking the tears off with his tongue, running his fingers through Shiros hair. He heard a deep rumble surround him; it came from Sendak. It sounded like a purr from a cat and the chuffing of a tiger mixed together. It was a comforting sound; he realized Sendak was trying to comfort him. Did Galra cry?

 

The kissing continued. They trailed down his cheeks to his jaw. Light pecks against his wet skin. The last one stopped at his neck, he felt the slight scrape of teeth from the last kiss. The tears slowed down, he was pushed against the bed to lie down. Somehow the blankets covered his body and he fell into a weak sleep.

 

Hours later, he felt the dip of the bed as Sendak slid in next to him.

 

 

-

 

 

_He saw Earth. It was right there in front of him. His jaw became slack falling down into a sob. Tears ran down his face dripping onto his open hands. Earth was destroyed. Split in two giant cracked halves, smaller parts drifted around the larger ones. He saw no green, no white puffy clouds, and no blue ocean… he was too late. Everything and everyone was dead. The planets core had long gone cold with the rest of space. He sobbed loudly in the small ship he was in._

_Before he could understand what was happening, the door of the ship pulled apart opening. The vacuum of space threatened to suck him out. He grabbed blindly onto the walls trying to find a grip to keep him inside. As he reached out the walls smoothed, leaving nothing for his hands to hold onto. He was sucked out back first into the open space. He watched the ship in his vision trying to swim back to it. Fear compressed him when he knew he couldn't get back. He felt useless and stranded. Then he realized he wasn’t wearing a space suit. He screamed into the unblocked empty space. Coldness surrounded him, his limbs stopped moving. He was frozen. Earth swam back into his vision, broken halves and fallen debris floated alongside him. A quiet graveyard for them both. His tears floated around him as he looked one last time to the broken earth and closed his eyes._

 

-

 

Sendak awoke to Shiro shaking beside him. Blinking roughly he turned on the lights to a dim. Shiros face was illuminated in the dark, sweat dripped of his face that was paralyzed with horror. He grunted in pain quietly and convoluted in quick jerks. His tech arm remained motionless the whole time a dead weight by this side. Blankets no longer covered his torso, pushed down to his legs where they jerked. His eyes were closed shut. Sendak could see his eyes moving rapidly under the closed lid.

 

“Shiro.”

Sendak moved to Shiros side, perched on his elbows, looking down at him struggling.

 

“Shiro.” He tried again. He placed his hand on Shiros shoulder slowly shaking him. Shiro did not respond to him, he started to thrash under his hand. His movements became violent as if he was trying to protect himself. When he whimpered Sendaks ears shot up. He pushed both his hands on Shiro to keep him from hurting him or himself.

 

“Shiro wake up.” He said as gently as he could while holding him down. Shiro gasped loudly sounding like a choke. His eyes jerked open they narrowed as his eyes darted around the room taking everything in. his body started to shiver instead of shaking, still his shivers coursed through him violently just like his shaking had. Sendak released one of his hands from Shiros shoulders but left the other firm in place. He could tell he wasn’t fully awake by the way he did not seem to recognize anything around him. Looking down at Shiros blown wide eyes, they locked eyes together. Shiro screamed at his golden eyes, his shivering hands pressed against Sendak trying to push him away. He did not recognize him. Sendak let him go completely and watched Shiro back into the pillows in fear.

 

“Shiro, its ok.”

 

Shiros eyes never left Sendaks golden ones. He started at them in fear, shivering violently harder as every second passed. He felt something tug at his gut when he realized Shiro was scared of his eyes.

Slowly he closed his eyes looking at Shiros terror stricken face one last time before shutting them closed to try again.

 

With his vision gone he relied on his hearing to decipher Shiros reactions.

“Shiro you are safe, you are ok.” He reached out his hand slowly and hesitantly to find him. He found Shiros knee and left his hand there wanting to reassure him. Shiro did not move under him. He just sat there shivering harshly gasping in breaths desperately. He could imagine the way Shiro was tucked in on himself, eyes like a scared animals, arms gripping the other trying to hide. Sendak kept speaking comforting words to the panicked Shiro. Eventually he heard his breathing slowly even out still in long gasps. His breaths sounded incredibly pained. The violent shivers lessened under his grasp on Shiros knee.

 

“Shiro?” he tried after he felt him calm. He heard a shaky gasp in return from the human.

 

He opened his eyes slowly finding what he imagined not far from the truth. Shiro was indeed tucked in on himself. His head was hidden between his knees under his arms. He didn't look at Sendak, he couldn’t even see his face. His shivering continued, breaths came out in low panicked huffs. He made no move to acknowledge that he was even there.

 

Slowly he placed his other hand to Shiros back and rubbed it slowly. He finally looked up at him. His eyes were red and wet, dark lashes stuck together from the tears that threatened to spill. They stayed like that for a long while. Shiro within himself and Sendak rubbing circles into his back.

Eventually his breaths evened out to mostly normal ones. Still a little fast in his opinion but it was a start.

 

“You had a nightmare?”

 

He nodded rubbing his shaking hands over his face still not looking over to him. His body was still shivering.

 

“Look at me.”

 

Shiro did not move, head still buried within his hands. Sendak moved his hand off his knee and reached for his chin. He pulled Shiros face up away from his hands and watched them fall to his sides. Shiro met his eyes with his and this time seemed fine with them. He looked at Sendak mournfully, it reminded him of the look he had on his face when he first came to Sendaks room, broken. He felt pain within himself while looking at Shiros depressed state. He was not right. Neither was Sendak.

 

He pulled Shiro to himself. He didn't fight him, stayed limp as he was pressed against Sendaks form. One hand cupped the back of his neck while the other circled around to his back holding him firmly. Shiro made a little noise within his throat and remained quiet. They where flush against each other, Shiro still shivering. He pushed his face into Shiros neck and purred lowly hoping the human would find it comforting. His other hand continued to rub his back in light circles.

 

Minutes passed and Shiros shivering came to a stop. He lay compliant with Sendak, sniffling occasionally but never speaking, never moving. After a long hour Shiros hands that lay away from Sendak moved hesitantly. One landed on his bicep, feather light hardly touching him. Sendak purred deeper encouraging him. What felt like long minutes passed as the other found the back of his head. It paused awkwardly until it ran through the fur on his head. He stroked his fur once and buried his hand within it staying put.

Sendak became aware of the familiar beat within Shiro. It pounded against its cage loudly. He did not mean to fall asleep, but the deep sound lulled him back into a comfortable sleep. Feeling Shiros hands against him, holding him back, contributed to his deep sleep.

 

The next morning Sendak left early as he always did, Shiro remained in the bed unmoving. He knew he was awake, but Shiro said nothing. So Sendak did the same. He walked out suited up in his uniform and left Shiro for the day.

 

They did not speak for a few days. He came back to the room so late Shiro was already asleep, and left so early sometimes he would never see Shiro awake. Eventually he returned to his room at a more reasonable time. He walked into the room and paused in shock.

 

Shiro sat naked except for his underwear on his bed. He was looking at his naked legs with incredible concentration. He did not even notice Sendak arriving within the room. He watched his eyes flicker over his form back and forth. Shiros lips mumbled quietly to himself. Sendak walked over to him slightly concerned. The sound of his steps within the room had Shiro looking up surprised.

 

“Oh.” He regarded Sendak briefly.

 

“What are you doing?” he questioned.

 

“Counting my scars.” He said without looking at Sendak. He reached over to the end of the bed where his clothes sat unfolded pulling the pants up. Sendak stepped within his space and stopped him from putting his clothes back on. Shiro raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“Your scars?” he scanned over his mostly naked form. He did have many scars littered over his skin. The amount worthy of a Galra soldier.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Why?” he questioned back.

Shiros eyes widened and he shifted back on the bed.

 

“I… because I have a lot.”

 

He did not understand. Was this some human concern? Shiro picked up on Sendaks confusion quickly.

 

“Humans don't… we just… we don't end up with many scars…” he struggled to explain. He rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably.

 

“They make you uncomfortable?”

 

He nodded lightly. Looking down he replied quietly

 

“Scars are a reminder.” He scanned over his whole body where scars appeared on every surface. Small ones, long ones deep and thin ones. Each one made a memory within him. Sendak began to understand.

 

“I can remember each time I got one.” He continued flinching at a practically deep one on his thigh where his hand rubbed over subconsciously. “I don't remember them all though.” His other hand rubbed at a very thin and long scar along his left breast.

 

“There is nothing wrong with scars.” Sendak stated.

 

“Yeah? Many people think they are ugly.” He said. Sendak scoffed loudly.

 

“Why would they be ugly? That's absurd.” He snarled in disbelief.

Shiro looked up at him and smiled. His smile made Sendak pause; he had never seen the human smile before. His smile alone was filled with warmth, a type of warmth he had never seen before. He felt the same familiar squeeze at his heart. The warmth of his smile warmed him inside spreading through his chest to his abused heart. He never knew a smile could do this. He never knew Shiro could look so utterly beautiful. His whole face lit up, lips up and teeth bared in a friendly matter. Sendak stared burning the image into his head. Shiro was truly the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. His heart continued to thump deeply within his chest.

 

“Your right.” Shiro continued to smile reaching again for his clothes.

 

“Everyone I know would pity my scars.” He whispered out smile fading slowly. Sendak stepped closer within Shiros space. He gripped Shiros still bare shoulders. Shiro looked up him questionably.

 

“Your scars are not a weakness.” He stated loudly. He pointed to the one along his left breast with a clawed finger.

 

“They show you your strength. That you survived.” Shiro watched Sendak as he spoke to him.

 

“ _You are not weak Shiro._ ”

 

-

 

 

He knew this. He’s seen this. Blood all to familiar staining his hands. Three bodies amidst the floor. Death filled the air. This wasn’t just a nightmare he realized. He saw himself scream. Saw the light within his eyes diminish. Saw the blood of another drip down his face.

Felt his breath stop.

 

He shot up with a gasp. Eyes wide in the darkness. He gasped raggedly trying to catch the air to fill his desperate lungs. He shook against the bed, felt its grounding presence pulling him back. Blinking his eyes heavily he tried to adjust to the darkness around him. The dark swam around his vision trying to recreate the images of his nightmares to fill in the space.

He breathed deeply trying to calm himself. He knew where he was, he knew who he was.

 

Slowly he regained his senses. Felt the soft blankets under his hands, the warmth to his side. It grounded him. Shivering he rubbed his eyes trying to adjust. He ignored the gruff next to him and threw his feet down to the cold floor. He landed with wobbly legs and walked straight to the locked control panel. He figured out the new code weeks ago but never made to escape again. He wasn’t… exactly sure how to go about it again.

 

He typed the code in quietly. The door hissed open sliding away. Dim light filled the dark room. He didn't look back to the sleeping Galra as he stepped out into the light.

 

He walked along the long empty halls for minutes choosing to stay close to Sendaks quarters wanting to avoid the guards and keep his peaceful little escape. It felt terribly amazing to leave that room and walk by himself through the corridors. He felt stuffed and trapped being in Sendaks room all the time. He needed this terribly. Eventually the hall led to a large observation room. Glass walls surrounded a huge window into space. He stared in wonder at the planet it was currently near. It was a small planet; glowing red storming clouds covered most the surface. They swirled fast ever changing never relenting. He sat on the hard floor watching the planet collecting his thoughts.

 

He didn't care about Sendak right now. Knew any second the alarms would blare; soldiers would appear out of nowhere pinning him down against the floor waiting to obey Sendaks command.

He didn't care.

He was tired.

 

What felt like an hour passed until he heard someone running through the halls. The footsteps sped up clacking into the room halting when Shiros form appeared in their vision. He knew who it was.

 

Sendak was panting, excursion at his breath from sprinting down the long halls. He was shirtless again, just throwing on some trousers before sprinting out of the room to search for him. He looked upset but not as angry as the last time Shiro abandoned the room. He felt Sendak watch him, studying the situation. But he wasn’t trying to escape right now.

 

“No alarms this time?” he spoke quietly. Sendak walked fully into the room and stopped a few feet behind him.

 

“I didn't know how long you've been gone, I wasn’t wanting to start another commotion yet again.” His voice dipped at the last two words.

 

Shiro didn't reply. He moved his gaze off him and back to the red planet with dancing clouds. He was surprised when Sendak let him be. He didn't yell, didn't grab him and walk him back down the hall to the room. They stayed there in a strange comfortable silence.

 

“Show me Earth Sendak.” Sendak flinched. His golden eyes moved quickly to look upon him. He watched him for a brief moment before sighing quietly. He swiped his hand to the left causing a giant hologram control panel to appear within the room. With a tap of a button the universe was spread out in the entire room before them. Purple stars, planets and suns shined hovering over them both. It was beautiful. Purple hues illuminated off his skin and shone brightly in his eyes. The suns glowed, stars shone. Within the dark room the light universe spread out over them was incredibly peaceful.

 

A small panel appeared by Sendaks side, he typed the coordinate for earth, claws tapping the panel loudly within the quiet peace. The stars moved instantly, lights zoomed past his head. Stars appearing, disappearing and new ones reappearing within their place. He saw galaxy’s past, cosmic dust clouds and black holes all dancing through his vision. The longer it went on the sadder he felt. Minutes past until he saw the familiar constellations and bright sun he would recognize anywhere. Earth finally appeared. The entire planet was purple just like all the other stars and planets within the hologram.

 

He stared at Earth, memorizing the way it looked as if it would disappear within his sight too sudden all over again. He could picture the colors within his mind, replacing the dull purple earth in front of his face. He saw the ocean, the clouds, and recognizable shapes of land. The sight lurched within his heart pulling at his strings. It was still there. Whole.

 

He was aware of Sendak staring at him by the floating panel. His gaze was fierce; he felt it at his back. A weight

 

“Earth is so far away.”

 

Sendak did not respond. His feet shifted under him walking to a chair by the wall behind Shiro. He sat quietly, both arms resting on the arm rests. His narrowed eyes stared at him, studying him. Though his quiet study did not prepare him for Shiros next words.

 

“I remembered.”

 

Sendak paused eyes widened in surprise watching Shiros back. He did not have to clarify anything. He knew exactly what Shiro was talking about. He was speaking about the fighting match that led Shiro to break and thus lead him to Sendak. Shiro laughed dryly when Sendak did not respond. Sendak bristled at his stale humorless laugh stiffing into himself. He turned his head to the side looking away huffing quietly.

 

“You have nothing to say?” Shiro spoke quietly not looking back at him. His eyes focused on the purple earth spinning soundlessly before him.

 

“What is there to say?” he huffed out uncomfortably.

 

“Is that really what you think Sendak?” his name flowed from Shiros lips heavy and thick with emotion of…uncertainty. His gold eyes looked away from him again, rapping his claws a few times on the armrest. A long silence stretched out between them.

 

“Is there something you want to hear from me?”

Shiro sat unmoving face away from his vision. He could not decipher his emotions this way.

 

“Why didn't you tell me.”

 

“I thought it would be better if you did not remember.” He gave in quickly. He wasn’t one to beat around the bush, nor was he known for being patient. Shiro finally turned to face Sendak. Stared him down in the eyes.

 

“It wasn’t your decision to make.” He yelled bitterly at him.

 

“It was not my place to _tell._ ” He snarled back loudly from the chair.

 

Shiro sighed loudly, eyes gazing down as he ran his hand over his eyes in frustration. Another terse silence filled the room. They watched each other in frustration. Sendak sat hard against the chair. There was never a time in which Sendak didn't look intimidating. His chest huffed up and down deeply with each long breath. He stared down matching Shiros glare with his own. Shiro sat on the floor glaring up to Sendak where he sat. His eyes reflected the lights of the stars illuminating them beautifully adding a spark to his unrelenting glare. He sighed deeply turning on the floor to face him fully. Sendaks eyes followed his movement along the floor gazing down to him. After he shifted he retook their outré eye contact.

Shiro finally spoke.

 

“First, I’m going to speak my mind and your going to listen to every word I have to say.” Sighing deeply with his eyes closed, he began following his thoughts into words out of his mouth. Some much time and thought went behind each word each syllables that fell off his lips. Time spent by the one escape he had where he gathered his thoughts and feelings for hours at a time. The window within Sendaks room, the only connection he had to the outside world, the only hope he had.

 

“I was broken.” He began hesitantly. “Lost my humanity, I was a tool, a thing for entertainment to violent creatures who enjoy watching others in pain and it broke me. You, the Galra, broke me. Tore me apart limb my limb. Crushed everything within me.”

 

“I felt my soul shatter into countless pieces and watched them as they fell into an endless darkness.” He gasped slightly clutching at his chest. “I know it hurt… but I could not _feel_ it… I felt nothing as I watched myself splinter. And then there was just nothing.” Fingers dug deep into his chest where his hand laid. “I didn't think I would come back. I truly felt as if my mind had ended everything, that I was dead.” His head lowered to his chest, fingers lessening on his grip.

 

“Humankind… our own minds can destroy us. We ourselves can be violent and vicious just as much as your own. It…hurts to see that similarity within us, because I never saw the similarity of kindness between us, only the violence. But somehow you changed that. I didn't think Galra could show kindness. Your compassion is rough and tough just like your anger. Its so unlike what I have ever experienced before. Anyone else I know wouldn’t consider your affection kind. Just that you're a senseless brut. But I can feel it from you. And that… I don't know how to feel about that.”

 

A nervous shiver ran up his back. He felt his eyes burn and his stomach tighten.

 

“I felt myself slowly coming back. The humanity I thought I lost long ago returning every day little by little as I sat at that window in your room. Things and feelings I thought I lost forever. Even my damn movements became less… robotic.”

 

He looked up to Sendak now. Locked his deep brown eyes with Sendaks solid gold ones.

 

“You held me.” He started, whispering the words as if they would come alive to devour him. Sendak felt the stab of a quiet feeling he saw within his eyes. Longing. “Brought me back from a nightmare that threatened to demolish all my slow progress. I felt…” he choked wetly on his words. “I felt warmth in my heart. I didn't think I would ever feel that again. I wont… I cannot deny that you helped me. But…”

 

“You… you think your trying to save me, that you can keep me hidden in your room. Away from everyone who wishes to harm me, from everyone who wants to watch me crack. As if that would keep me safe? My own mind is still trying to destroy itself under the horrors I’ve seen, it can’t. I can’t handle it all. I feel so alone… I miss Earth.”

 

“My life has changed forever. No one back home will ever be able to understand what I’ve been through. Because they don't… they cant even comprehend half the damn things I’ve simply gazed upon with my eyes.

Still. I can feel earth within my heart. I long to see it. Not a single day passes where I don't think of it. The grass, the trees, the ocean…”

 

“I will get home.”

Sendak snarled at the words, eyes watching Shiro with no more patience as his claws dug into the chair ripping it instantly.

 

“I won’t stop until my feet feel the warmth of the earth under me. Until I can feel my friends embrace once again.”

The snarl turned into a growl. Teeth bared, a threat. Shiro eyed his sharp white teeth as he spoke more of the words he knew Sendak did not want to hear.

 

“I will fight forever to return to it.”

Sendak stood abruptly growling low in his belly, an obvious threat to anyone. Bare claws on his toes scratched into the floor making a loud screech. He stormed the few steps to Shiro in rage. He noted the way his fur stood on end making him appear larger, shoulders swaying up and down in anger adding more threat to his appearance. Faces just centimeters apart Shiro bared his own blunt teeth. He spat out his last words at Sendak.

 

“I am willing to die trying.”

A snarl hissed through his sharp fangs, rage swimming on the sound. He shook his head roughly side to side. His large arms twitched wanting to reach out, to grab him to stay. He cursed in Galra desperately trying to keep his hands to himself. To not break the thin barrier between them that got thinner every second of this conversation.

 

“No.” Sendak whispered out not masking the pain in his voice. The pained sound broke through his internal demeanor. He felt the pain spread through the air into his own body. It hurt…it stung. Looking back to Sendak, he saw the way his face was fallen looking to the side, sadness and desperation leaking out of his expression. The pain spread but he stood strong beside it. A rock within the storm.

 

“I will.”

 

“You will _not_.” He snarled into his face, eyes snapping back to him. The glow of his pupil-less eyes reminded him of an animal, shining eyes catching light within the dark night. The storm threatened to turn him.

 

“Why not?” he challenged. Anger filled his core sitting besides all the other emotions that took up residence there.

 

“ _No_.”

 

Shiro barked in his face. He couldn't believe this. Sendak was so stubborn.

 

“You can’t say it.” He spoke with disbelief.

 

Sendak growled in response. A threat meant for Shiro to shut up right now. He knew it, but he spoke anyways.

 

“You wont admit it. You've been filled with so much hate and rage your spirit has turned into a devil. You know what I’m talking about, _you know it_.” The last words screamed out of his lungs loudly and boldly. He shook with emotion eyes burning red again.

 

“That I know what exactly?” but he did know. Sendak knew exactly what Shiro meant.

 

_“That you love me.”_

The words struck at Sendak like a sword through his side. He flinched once before roaring into the air as loud as he could. Mouth agape howling into the air, fangs shining. Shiro wanted to cover his ears at the loudness of it but resisted. He watched Sendak struggle within himself. He ran past Shiro bumping into his shoulder roughly. His back seized up and down the anger not being able to stay contained within him. A loud crash shook his ears, he saw Sendak raise his arm hurling it down over the closet table. It cracked the table in two instantly. Metal bent awkwardly split in two halves that Sendak broke with his bare flesh fist. He was growling, snarling and roaring spitting out Galra curse words through his bared fangs. The veins in his flesh arm stuck out, crawling from his fingers to his shoulder.

 

He took a half of the broken table and hurled it across the room; it landed against a glass wall shattering it upon impact. Glass poured down like rain onto the floor, broken pieces flying into the air like paper. All the while his roars filled the room shocking his core into silence. He stood in front of the window into space. Body huffing up and down in rage and confusion. Ears flattened back, his clenched fists lay stiff by his sides shaking with the rest of his body.

 

Shiro looked across the room evaluating the damage. Sometimes he forgot how much Sendak possessed.

 

He watched his bare shoulders sag up and down, waiting patiently for them to slow. A few minutes passed as Sendak calmed down. His struggling breath filled the silence. Shiro waited. Eventually he took a long deep staggering breath, breathing out long and hard. Just the sound of it expressed the pain he felt hiding deep within. The sound of it reverberated against his bones. He felt himself ache all the way to his bones while he watched Sendak.

 

A hitch of breathe, a pause in words, and he spoke. So quietly he wasn't sure he even heard him at first. But the words he spoke shook his entire being.

 

“You are the blood in my veins.”

 

He shook. Legs threating to give out. He didn't feel a single breath enter his body, yet he breathed. The back he stared at turned. Now it was calm, an understanding within it. He watched his long legs walk to him, his clawed toes clicking on the floor quietly. His eyes watched him refusing to look elsewhere. He stared at him with eyes longing possession. Before he knew it Sendak stood in front of him inches apart from one another. Shiro stared at his face, watched him raise his arm in the corner of his eye but his gaze stayed upon Sendaks. A warm hand gripped his chin pulling it up lightly. Eyes connected.

 

“Shiro.”

 

The gold of the sun stared down into him.

 

“ _You are the blood in my veins_.”

 

 

-

 

 

Haggar found him. No amount of debating between her and Sendak could keep her grip off him. She had been looking for him for some time, wanting to finish what she started. Her little science project. He felt himself feel sick at the thought and fear fill his core once again. He knew this wouldn't last forever, but he let hope get the best of him. He didn't think it would end like this. With a real monster taking him away.

 

Sendaks fury as they took Shiro away was incomprehensible. The face he had made unforgettable within his brain. Throughout the journey to the operation room he couldn’t get it out of his head. Sendak almost looked heartbroken. Shiro wouldn’t deny the fear he felt leaving Sendaks side. Because Sendak did keep him safe. Kept him away from the fighting ring, away from the Druids. But now they found him. He always knew Sendak was risking a huge amount by keeping him hidden, it was never spoken but he knew. Now Haggar was going to punish Sendak through him. The Druids chained him and walked him to an operation room. It smelled sterile. Familiar fear shot through him as the large doors shut close.

 

 

-

 

 

 

“Earth needs you, we all do.”

 

He ran. Earth. His planet. His home.

He knew these halls, he knew this ship, it was Sendaks.

He sprinted, he ran, he leapt. His head was foggy, vision blurry at moments but he didn't stop. The hope to get home exploded through his veins as he ran though the veins of this ship.

 

Within his fogged mind he accidently exposed himself. Sentries ran after him shooting their alien guns. Lasers bounded into the wall, he dodged back rolling next to a sentry and destroyed it quickly. Another one grabbed at him from behind, he had to reach his arm over his head and he tore the head off the machine. Its grip on him died and it fell to the floor with the other sentry. He knew they were robots but the humanoid shape it had made him feel sick as he saw them in pieces behind him.

 

He was close to the pods when another sentry came behind his tail. He flipped one off his back but the other latched its arms around him. It squeezed him with inhuman strength. Shiro yelled in pain as his arms where crushed into his sides. He felt his elbows dig into his ribs. A sudden explosion went off from behind sending him and the sentry knocking against the side of the escape pod. He hit his head impossibly hard. His vision blanked, for a long moment he couldn't see he felt he was going to pass out but he forced his eyes to stay open. The sentries middle was crushed from the pods doors closing on it. It buzzed and fell to the floor with a loud thud.

He stood, legs shaking under his weight. He looked out the clear of the doors and saw a figure emerge from the smoke.

 

Sendak.

 

He was bleeding. The armor on his right shoulder had melted slightly. He must have been too close to the explosion when it went off. Shiro felt his heart ache when he saw Sendaks face. His right eye was gone… a long bloody and burnt gash ran down from his temple, over his eye landing harshly on his cheek. Blood soaked into his burnt fur. One golden eye found him. It stared at him through the glass of the pod. Shiro stared back. His heart thumped, it ached and burned as he stared into his eyes.

 

For a brief moment he felt the whole universe pause. It was just him and Sendak. Their eyes locked into each other. He didn't know what to think. He felt his body long for Sendak, an urge to stay with him somehow, just not _here_. Before he could think about it more, lasers began hitting the ship. A large group of sentries ran down the hall. Sendak broke their gaze and turned to the group of robots. He looked at them then back to Shiro. He was going to end it. He was going to open the pod before it could undock. End this whole fiasco and drag Shiro back to his room. Sendak took a step, the step to start it. But it turned. Sendak slashed through the sentries disarming and destroying them. He felt his mouth open in disbelief.

 

The pod unlatched from the dock and began to slide away. Shiros head throbbed harshly his vision going blurry again. He saw Sendak mid fight crushing sentries under his boot allowing him to escape. Sendak turned his gaze back upon the ship and right into his eyes once more. Sadness dripped from his remanding eye. He felt his heart break and his mind slowly losing consciences. The hit from before catching up with him.

 

The last thing he saw was Sendaks eyes looking solemnly to him. The red with blood right one and the golden left one. He felt himself fall to the floor his eyes fell shut gazing into the colors of Sendaks eyes.

 

He fell.

 

 

-

 

 

 

He awoke to the faux dawn light in the castle of lions. As usual he woke before anyone else. It had been many months since he escaped and felt his feet on Earths soil. His memory loss bothered him to this day. Occasionally a small snippet of a memory would reemerge within his mind, but they were never pleasant nor informative. He suffered from PTSD, heavily in the beginning but less as time went by. It didn't go away completely, it never would. He flinched at certain noises, dodged at others.

 

Everything was different. But he had a team, a family by his side. They didn't understand his fears of what he went through but they stayed by his side and that's what was important. Every once in a while he would do something the others would consider odd. He knew and they knew it had to do with his past, but some things bothered him. Sometimes he felt warmth by his side as he slept. He knew nothing was by his side and he wondered where the feeling came from. When he awoke from nightmares he would search the side of his bed without understanding why. He would rub a particular scar over his left breast subconsciously making it irritated and red.

 

He often drew. Planets and stars he’s never seen before filled his sketchbook. Somehow they seemed familiar in some odd way. Pidge pointed out one day that most the drawings where framed by a window. He couldn’t believe he didn't notice something he drew himself. But every time he sketched a new planet he subconsciously drew it within a large window. As of many things, he wondered why.

 

He felt happiness. As much as you could feel while fighting a 10,000 yearlong war without even knowing its existence until recently. He was not always happy and he was not ashamed of that. He had many bad days, days where his arm ached and scars burned. He hated the days where he felt that he was missing something. His heart would ache uncomfortably, a type of ache he never felt before. He often searched within himself to try to understand why he felt so hopeless and alone. Whenever he tried he would search deep into his mind, through his past and present memories. Sometimes he tried to look into the time he was a prisoner. Every time without fail his head would buzz uncomfortably leaving him with a headache for the rest of the day.

 

Sometimes he would get something. They where so small he did not consider it useful and often thought he was only imagining it. Especially since however the size, they weren’t unpleasant. Opposite of what he was expecting. A flash of gold, a deep voice, warmth around his sides, these memories left him puzzled and confused.

 

He spoke to no one about it. He doubted he ever would. These memories felt personal despite his lack of knowledge about them. But that only made him more anxious about them. They lingered in his mind just like the rest of his thoughts, sitting in the back of his head. He was good at ignoring bad disrupting thoughts. He pushed them away and worked throughout the day uninterrupted. But when he was alone at night in his room, in his mind, they reemerged.

 

On bad days he found himself sitting in his lion. Feeling its comfortable embrace surround him. His lion seemed to be the only thing to understand him. He could sit and brood, or crawl into a ball and cry out his fear and pain. She didn't talk, didn't watch him with sympathetic eyes, and didn’t pity him. Just a comfortable warmth around his mind, and sometimes that's all he needed.

 

After an especially rough day everyone was exhausted. In the middle of a very late dinner Keith fell asleep while eating and landed face first into his food with a loud splat. Everyone was so sleepy even Lance didn't laugh. (Though he didn't let Keith hear the end of it the next day.) Keith mumbled into the food waking himself up confused. Hunk helped clean Keith’s face off and helped him get to his room safely. They all went to bed after that, even Pidge who would normally stay awake for hours after everyone else typing away at her computer, went to bed.

 

When Shiro finally made it to bed he felt his heart pounding hard within his whole body. It pounded so hard within its cage he felt pain. He groaned when he slipped into his cold bed. His exhaustion was starting to scare him. It felt eerily similar to the exhaustion he felt in prison. Bad memories started to wake through his mind. Flashes of old pain, images of splattered red, the sound of a crack along his back… his breaths became panicked, hitched and short. The back of his eyes began to burn and he dug his nails into his shoulder leaving deep red crescent moon shapes. He started to shiver violently under his blankets.

 

_“Shiro.”_

He gasped widening his eyes and searching his room, he saw no one was there and the voice didn't seem to be coming from it. He felt it within his head, a memory. He closed his eyes again trying desperately to hold onto that warm faceless voice.

 

_“Breathe Shiro.”_

 

The memory spoke again. He felt it against his skin at his ear as if it was speaking to him once more. It spoke out in a low deep whisper. He latched onto it.

 

He felt the warmth it had warm him. His shivering stopped.

 

The strength within it grounded him. He felt his body again.

 

The love hidden deep inside it calmed his beating heart.

 

Slowly he felt himself again. Felt the sturdy bed, the smooth sheets, and his soft pillow on his skin. A calm peacefulness overtook him. His breath evened and he began to slip into sleep quickly. The voice was gone but it resounded in his mind, warmed his body keeping him from slipping.

He did not fall again.

 

 

A gold as beautiful as the sun filled his mind.

 

He slept.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> sad  
> but  
> this is sorta a prequel to another fic i am working on (and will return to writing since ive finished this) it may be a while though 
> 
> again sorry for mistakes, i am dyslexic and i did my best in editing! 
> 
> if you've made it this far thank you so so much, i appreciate it so much you cant imagine.  
> thank you


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